Saturday, October 29, 2016

When The Cubs Win The World Series 2016 Update from ART!

Many wait-till-next-years ago, the Cleaning Ladys recorded this charming prophetic little ditty just for all you tenth players out there. Here it is again, all spiffied up and reduxed and remixed and visualizationized. Let’s experience it on more time, shall we, before this plucky 2016 incarnation renders it as obsolete as Lee Harvey Oswald did Vaughn Meader. (Google it, you too-young-for-the-reference millennials). Going…..going…..gone? Click HERE

Friday, November 27, 2009

Halloween Show Part 1

We're up in a loft of a barn at the Brown's Halloween Zombie party in Woodstock, IL, with the audience down below us. Apparently Scott thought the loft was more structurally sound than the other Ladys did.

Halloween Show Part 2

Halloween Show Part 3

Halloween Show Part 4

Halloween Show Part 5

Halloween Show Part 6

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Blogging is hard.

Follow us at

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

We hate to say we told you so, but…

Here's a link to our (unfortunately) prophetic and timeless song "When the Cubs Win the World Series". And, since we wanted to cover all the bases (unlike the Cubs) here's the song we'd all be singing if they didn't have that darned curse: "They Couldn't Destroy Our Cubs."

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Scott made a song.

Because he cares. Get it at

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

every kid (the shoot shoot song)

Scott made this without our permission.

no time for love

From 1985 or '86. Thanks to Dan and Jen for saving their VHS copy all these years.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

why visit our new myspace page?…

…(which is here)
Because you'll find two music players, one of them with lots of your favorites and the other one with some live rarities. By the way, the guy Tom on that page who says is our friend is really just creepy.

Monday, May 07, 2007

wild chicago

Probably from around 2000. We said a lot of funny things that got cut out.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

give up on my girl

Thanks to a fan for posting this one!

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

creatures from outer space

Saturday, March 24, 2007

our fantastic friends

Maybe they're let us join their band.

Monday, March 12, 2007

we're you tubing

more videos to come, including creatures from outer space, infatuation and video highlights from needle drop - tell your friends!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Why we got into music.

A lot of people ask us where we found our inspiration for the Cleaning Ladys. Now it can be told.

PS - Don't miss the follow-up video here. (Time and tide wait for no Thor.)

We're still here.

We've just been busy. But here's Art to sing some songs for you:

Friday, June 10, 2005

It Ain't So

Mike was nice enough to write:

Please tell me it ain't so. Come on man!
Creatures from Outer Space.
It's a classic.
I can't find it on your site!!!!!!


It ain't so, now. Click here.


Everything you've ever wanted to know about John and half the stuff you've wanted to know about the Ladys has been revealed in the Chicago Reader. And don't forget to c'mon out to Cary Days on July 8 to see how we're handling this extra dollop of fame (look to your left for Cary Days details).

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Simmer down, simmer down…

The legendary Otis Ball writes from New Jersey: OK, ya tease us and now, three weeks later, suckas are still waiting for the full show! What gives?!?!?!?
OK, so we're Karla-teasers. Here are two more songs from the yet-to-be-legendary 1982 Concert for Karla:
Party of One (mp3 and iPod/AAC) and Would You Let Me In Your Country Club? (mp3 and iPod/ACC).

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

ohmygod it's here!

Your patience has been rewarded. Here's an mp3 and an m4a (for your iPod) of How Can You Leave Me Tonight? as performed live at the 1982 Concert for Karla. Stay tuned, at least eleven more cuts from that show are on the way!

Monday, February 07, 2005

Sir Paul

Sir Paul
Originally uploaded by cleaningladys.
So we celebrated the end of our latest Borders tour with a SuperBowl get together. I guess we all thought McCartney's show was OK; at least he could still sing. But for another opinion click here.

Friday, January 28, 2005

apropos of nothing

Jef checks in with:
I don't know where else to put this but here they are, The Beastles – Beatles and Beastie Boys remixes. Good, slightly insane stuff. Check it out.

To which Scott replies: Please submit a 500-word essay comparing and contrasting The Beastles with DJ Dangermouse's Grey Album.

To which Jef replies: I can do it in less than that, Scott. Dangermouse is music, Beastles are entertainment.

Wow! An actual debate, just like on the real blogs! - Scott

Our latest find

Originally uploaded by cleaningladys.
To make our lives a little easier at the Algonquin gig in terms of introducing songs and relating to the audience and all, we've hired an MC to take on a lot of those responsibilities (think James Brown and the guy with the cape). Anyway we think he's a great find - click here to see his demo tape that blew us away! (Thanks to Roger for turning us on to him!) (More info here.)

Monday, January 24, 2005

also r.i.p.

our first recording engineer
(don't ask us where our first three albums went…)

Sunday, January 23, 2005

oh well

there goes our dream of appearing on the Carson show…

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Big Noise in Oak Park

Another fun show last Friday. Really cold, but nice crowd. An audible gasp went through the audience when I made a wisecrack about Frank Lloyd Wright. Lighten up people. Nobody asked us to turn down and I got free coffee, so I'm happy. As always, Art had some kind of issue about a service door not being opened promptly for him. And his books weren't prominently displayed. Yes, we all know he deserves better and he'll be the first to tell you. But he sure played the hell out of that acoustic guitar - pretty funny hearing that thing do loud feedbacky solos in a Borders. For Algonquin, Jef requested "New Is New" and "Jimmy Take Your Pills." We'll talk to legal and see what we can do. Hit comments and post your request, if you dare.
See ya in Algonquin.
Scott da bass playah

Friday, January 14, 2005

another rant from our super optimistic guitar player

my power went out.  no tv or radio.  my outside theromometer broke.  i have no way of knowing the weather.
     ulp!  wait a minute!  i take that back!  what's tonight?  A CLEANING LADYS GIG!!--borders in oak park.
    there therefore  must be....
     a blizzard...
     a typhoon....
     super frigid temperatures....
     a tsunami.....
     anything to keep the great unwashed masses cocooned in their abodes.  (as we've experienced many times before in our illustrious career...)
     (thank you for this fine opportunity)
art collins
(the cute one)

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

fan mail from some flounder

this was a response from the woman who booked us. she was retorting to me bitching (mildly and politely hopefully) about us getting no acknowledgement from official borders personel.

Hi Art,

I've heard from several employees who said your music was great, and I usually don't hear anything but complaints, so I know they were into it.

We had a few customers who said it was a bit too loud, but a manager should have asked you to turn it down a bit in that case. I do apologize that no one greeted you. The manager on duty should be there to greet you and make sure you have everything you need. They should also make overhead announcements prior to 8pm. 

I'll touch base with the other stores to make sure they follow our standard protocol. 

Thank you for the feedback. One of the drawbacks to my job is that I can't be at all of the events to make sure things are handled as they should be.

Please let me know how things go at the other stores.

Thank you,


first part of 3 city borders book tour--friday nite, jan 7, 2005 ad in the year of our lord....
first, i was relieved that they got the marquee right.  CLEANING LADYS and julia chlilds book tribute--not the other way around.  so often they fail to realize we're the headliners.
     it was so great to see people sitting in front of us in rapt attention.  oh wait a minute--i think a lot of them were looking down at their newspers and magazines.
     no, that's ok though, hey, we don't mind.  you can read when we play.  (my wife used to do it all the time at rehearsals).  or eat.  we've played for some of those crowds.  once, we played this platos retreat revival show and...
     well, never mind what they were doing there....
     i really dug john's ironing board.  he mastered it much better than he did the casio button he used to be responsible for pushing ONE TIME A NIGHT back in the old days--(but that he always failed to do).
     it was fun playing our real old songs--some of them older than many of you.  i particularly enjoyed "sponsored by your parents."  it was so prophetic when you think about it.  everything's for sale in music today--even the very things that are destroying the old magical format (such as albums.  how much are u2 getting to plug their ipods?  oh, never mind.  is the new schwarznegger flick out yet?)
     but i digress.  at the end of the show, as i was shlepping my equipment out to the car as i've done for 25 years now (but i'm older so i'm playing a leeettle itsy bitsy tiny wimpo amp and a very light acoustic) i notice....
     .....not one store official came up to us to say....
    not a "thank you..."
     not a "good job..."
     not even a "you were too loud and your guitar player is ugly..."
     great, isn't it?   the world keeps spinning, there's an endless supply of rock'n'roll sclockmeisters making 2 billion dollars a minute, and we keep plugging along...unnoticed.
     maybe this isn't what you wanted to read, huh?  I said CLEANING LADYS  and PUPPET that order, DAMMIT!!
     hey, we're looking forward to oak park.  and then algonquin.  i'm working on a song called "doing that abu graib."
     cleaning ladys and irqais, dammit!  I SAID CLEANING LADYS AND IRAQIS!!
(bloody peasants)...!
later, Art

sly zappa

Of course we're reading the new Frank Zappa biography by Barry Miles. Here's a good quote from Frank that, while not exactly matching our sentiments, comes pretty close:

"I had 3,000 people at the Berkeley Community Theater doing jumping jacks in 1968. I said, 'OK, now you're gonna get up and exercise, you people look like you're too tired. C'mon get up.' I had 'em outta the seats. The house lights were on. I stopped the music. They kept on doin' it. Then I said, 'OK, listen, this is what just happened. I told you to stand up and exercise and you exercised, is that right?' 'Yeah, that's right!' 'I tell you to do anything you'd do it, wouldn't you? That's the way the government operates. They tell you to do something and you do it. You're out there doin' jumping jacks, now isn't that stupid?' And all the while they're still jumping, they're waiting for the punchline. So we started playing again, the lights went down and the show resumed." (Zappa) felt he was doing them a favor: "You're telling them the truth. How can they hate you for that? OK. I played a prank on them. Such pranks are pulled every day, and far worse. Forget politics. One of the most depressing pieces of manipulation I saw was the Sly Stone segment of the Woodstock film, that kind of bogus hysteria."

Monday, January 10, 2005

Inquiring minds want to know…

A number of people asked us after the LaGrange show what (the hell) that music was that played after our last song. It was this. Yee haw!

Saturday, January 08, 2005

too much fun…

Thanks to all our old friends and new fans who came to see us at the LaGrange Borders. If you were there, you know we had a great time. How about you? Hit that comments thing to add your thoughts…

Monday, January 03, 2005

Gigs! Borders!

hello peoples

in response to our current administration's arrogant anti-reading, anti science, ant-reflective agenda--(oh gosh, how did we get on this zappaesque soapbox?) the cleaning ladys will be launching their special "READING AND KNOWLEDGE IS UH...GOOD THINGS" borders book world tour. here's the schedule:

Friday, January 7 - Borders in LaGrange
Friday, January 14 - Borders in Oak Park
Friday, February 4 - Borders in Algonquin

All shows begin at 8 PM and end when the employees start to complain.

in order to spare the causal browser any unnecessary trauma, the ladys will be toning down their usual voltage. art will be on acoustic guitar. dan will be playing some sort of scaled back drum rack. scott will still be on electric bass--it's some sort of freudian thing with him.  one upside is you can now easily hear all the words--even the ones we forget. it will be uh... (what's the word here...) fun. reserve seats now.